Brain Dump

The one thing I know is I want to start writing things done. BUT it's all random thoughts that I want to write about and I don't know if any of them will make any sense to anyone else.

So, here are some recent random thoughts:

• I have to stop trying to think of the right words, just say it

• Truth and facts are not the same

  • Truth is deep understanding leading to true undeniable belief

  • Facts are superficial bits of data

• I am a contradition

  • I analyze everything but typically go with my intuition

• I OVER anaylize EVERYTHING; and I really enjoy the analyzation process, but it often gets overwhelming

• I am passionate about helping people but I am an introvert, big time

• I'm an INFJ, I've taken the Myers Briggs Personality Test (or similar) multiple times and there is no doubt.

• I feel my emotions so deeply that I don't have the words to explain, but I want people to understand

• I have to be "the happy child"

• I was so sheltered as a child that I was beyond naive

• I remember every minute details about many situations I've lived. I can feel each detail, the emotions AND the physical feelings (most times all 5 sences)

• The song "It's the End of the World as we Know it" is not wrong, every moment the world changes and it is not the same as it was a moment ago

• I really enjoy creating spreadsheets, it balances both my love for data and creativity

• So I live in an apartment, when something affects just my apartment (unless it is something like the heat is out in the winter) I'm pretty patient, if it affects the entire building let's just say I'm not

• I believe that every person deserves respect as a person. I do not think everyone's actions deserve respect; those who continually do disrespectful actions lose my trust.

• I try to treat people with dignity and respect, all I want is to be treated the same way

• I do not like money, well it's more accurate to say I HATE greed (refer to the above statement about dignity and respect)

• Many people have been through worse things than I have, this does not negate the the problems I've had, or still have.

• I wonder how many people have experienced the variety of situations I've experienced.

• There is a beautiful romantic intimacy of hold hands with the person you love

• I used to think I was dumb because I struggle with reading comprehension, it's not how I leared. I did not do well in the subjects that were reading intensive. I now understand that I just process differently.

  • Ironically, poetry is something that I enjoy and can understand (not all mind you, but I think you know what I mean)

• I never felt like I "fit in." I didn't meet the "criteria" of belonging to any group; I was always missing something. (I still feel this way about many things.)

  • In college, I finally found an AMAZING group of friends where I belonged (and still do). We were each other's missing piece.

• There are two psychological truisms that I'm not a fan of: feelings aren't facts and slower is better.

• Things I say, a lot:

  • I never said I was normal

  • No worries

  • Happy to help, when I can

  • I'm FINE

  • It is what it is

  • It's just me

  • Does that make sense

  • I'm sorry

  • No more than usual. (This is often my response to a new doctor asking me about my symptoms.)

• I'm tired of doing things because they are "practical." I want to be able to do something "just because" but I don't know how to let myself be that free.

• I've been told, more than once, that I am too nice.

• I am, almost, always early. One time, I got to work about 5 minutes early and my manager joked "you're running late."

• Just one more thing - the other day my psychologist tole me to "embrace my weirdness."